Half of My Heart
by November Envy
Summary: Biased on 'Half of My Heart' by John Mayer, featuring Taylor Swift Dean tries his best to love Lisa, he really, truly does. But it's only with half of his heart; he knows where his heart really lays. Someone unexpected drops by to remind what loving someone with only half of your heart will get you.


Authors Notes: So this fic was entirely inspired by this song, from the start. The only reason this fiction even exist is because of this song so I tip my hat to john Mayer and the forever amazing . Once again, i do NOT own this song or the Supernatural boys. If i did I would sleep in a bed of money at night. This fic is from Dean's P.O.V and is a snippet of time spent with Lisa, who he tries to love but cant quiet get their because of one little nuisance of a little brother, Sam is NOT actually present in this fic, but it is defiantly very much-ly implied wincest and is not in favour of Lisa and Deans' relationship (sorry Cindy/Lisa). So enjoy or at least pretend to with Half of Your Heart!

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'_Then you come on crashing in_

_Like the realest thing_

_Trying my best to understand_

_All that your love can bring__  
__Oh, half of my heart's got a grip on the situation_

_Half of my heart takes time_

_Half of my heart's got a right mind_

_To tell you that I can't keep lovin' you,_

_can't keep lovin' you_

_Oh, with half of my heart__  
__I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else_

_Made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself__  
__Lonely was the song I sang_

_'Til the day you came_

_Showing me another way_

_And all that my love can bring__  
__Oh, half of my heart's got a grip on the situation_

_Half of my heart takes time_

_Half of my heart's got a right mind_

_To tell you that I can't keep lovin' you,_

_can't keep lovin' you_

_Oh, with half of my heart, with half of my heart__  
__Your faith is strong, but I can only fall short for so long_

_Down the road, later on_

_You will hate that I never gave more to you_

_Than half of my heart__  
__But I can't stop lovin' you, I can't stop lovin' you_

_I can't stop lovin' you, I can't stop lovin' you,I can't stop lovin' you with half of my_

_Half of my heart, oh half of my heart__  
__Half of my heart's got a real good imagination_

_Half of my heart's got you_

_Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you_

_That half of my heart won't do'_

**Half of My Heart**

**John Mayer Ft. Taylor Swift**

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Dean glances at Lisa from the table as she goes about her nightly routine of cooking dinner for the boys, _her boys_, Dean's mind whispers treacherously to him, leering at him through the shroud of darkness Dean had tried to place over it. Lisa had said it, once or twice, calling Ben and Dean her boys. And honestly, it was maybe one of the sweetest things Dean had ever heard. The woman had so much love, and he knows for it the tip of his heart to the very bottom of it that he should be so grateful for it. She is amazing, she is gorgeous and most of all she is kind, so kind that it scared Dean something crazy sometimes that he had managed to bag her at all. But it's not the same. '_My boys'_ doesn't quiet fill the gap in his heart that had once been filled by '_baby boy'_ or half muttered '_De'_s. Dean knows he has to be here, Lisa loves him, put all her time and effort into slowly healing him and showing him a normal way of life, of_ living._ Something dean didn't even know he was capable of until he met her. She'd been his angel, his small fleeting hope that had grown into a beckon of safety, trust and hope. And why wouldn't she? She had done all the right things, said all the right words, kissed all the right places and brought home pie. He couldn't ask for more, or any better. He really, really couldn't. But being called '_baby_' by her wasn't the same as being called _'Jerk'_ by him. And that was it, it was the bottom line. Half of Dean's heart just wouldn't do for Lisa; it was in her smile, clear as the light of day, how much she deserved a man who could truly love her and Ben. Someone who could love them right, show them how a real boyfriend and real father figure was supposed to act. Not some hell ridden torn up man who was still to far in love with his baby brother to see anything else. But he couldn't go back to Sammy. There was something of about the Sam that had returned to him, there was something that was so far from the Sam that Dean had known his entire life that it really frightened Dean. It scared him to the core, and while one part of him screamed out for him to do something, to help Sam, there was another part, stronger part, that was far to scared that maybe Sam would never be the same again, that maybe Sam just didn't and never would love him again. Maybe he didn't need fixing, maybe this was just what Sam wanted, Dean absent from his life. He could just tell Lisa the truth and leave her, but then he'd leave her open to all the things that go bump in the night. All the things that he'd brought upon her and Ben. The demons would use them, bait Dean with them. Dean could stand to see that. He did, he loved them, so very much. But it just wasn't enough, never would be. Never could be. It made him feel ashamed, from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes he could feel the sting of guilt for what he'd done to this family. Barged his way in, pretending that they were the most important things in the world to him, bringing all the nastiest monsters the world had to offer to their door step. Every smile he gave had started to feel like a lie, and when Ben or Lisa smiled back with sincerity it only increased the feeling that Dean was a smuck, a lying, disgusting, low smuck. He couldn't do it. He couldn't pretend to himself that this was right. Sure, he convinced himself to pretend for their sake but he couldn't lie to himself. He couldn't go to bed at night and tell himself he was enjoying Lisa touch, her soft skin or her smooth blackened silky hair, when he was really thinking of Sam, wondering where he was, what he was doing and if he was keeping safe. Ever since Sam had reappeared on his and Lisa's doorstep Dean's world had come crashing down in a crumbled heap. Not that it had been so stable in the first place; to be honest it was a pin drop away from falling anyway. Because really, all Dean did was sit day after day, drink beer after beer, go to his lame arse nine till five job and go through the motions of living, when he was really wondering what sick torture Lucifer and Michael where inflicting on his two younger brothers, but Sam mostly, Sam always. Dean would like to think he was just as concerned about Adam as he was Sam, but once again, that would be a big, very fat lie. At the end of the line, it was always Sam. Never Lisa. Not Ben, certainly not Adam and if Dean was truthful to himself, not even Dad or Bobby. It always boiled down to his need for Sam, for Sam's safety. There was no other way to put it, so all there was to be was bluntness. He only loved Lisa with half of his heart. It was his imagination, and really half of his heart just wouldn't do. No matter if his day dreams where of marriage and a picket fence and maybe a brother or sister for Ben. That was only half of his heart, the part of him that was pretending, craving normality. But his whole heart loved Sam. There wasn't a centimetre of it that wasn't taken up by his bitchface or those damned puppy dog eyes, pulling at his already raw and broken heart strings. It was rubbish really. He should be able to just move on, to keep going on with out Sam, but he just wasn't. It was weak and totally co-dependent and it was completely unhealthy. He could still remember when he and Sam had started the thing they'd had. It hadn't even surfaced out of love; it had surfaced out of need, left over adrenaline from too close to call hunts that had almost killed one or the other of them. They where desperate, in the dark, quick get me offs. It wasn't meant to be like this, it really and truly wasn't meant to be like this. Love was meant to be out of the equation. But Dean should have known better when it came to Sam. He should have known there were no half measures when it came to his little brother. There was no in-between, no sitting on the fence. It was all in or nothing and Dean had ended up all in, too far in and too deep in. It should have been like that with Lisa, not his bloody brother. It should be Lisa he shouldn't be able to see past. It should be Lisa wearing a ring on her finger that Dean put there. It should be barbeques and dirty nappies and one day retirement villages. (That is if anyone could ever convince Dean into one of those god forsaken places, he'd already been to hell once, thank you very much) It really, really should be. But Dean knew it never would be and he knew he was just putting of the enviable by staying with her and stalling his time.

"You ok there, Dean?" Her sweet voice asked. Dean glanced up and swore for a second he saw Jessica standing there. Long toffee blonde hair with perfectly formed curls, a blissful heart shaped face and crystal blue eyes. Dean blinked and she was gone, where she stood she had been replaced by the heavenly visage of Lisa, miles of caramel tanned skin, beautiful big brown eyes and a white smile to die for.

"Ah, yeah." Dean replied fixing his face with his best smiled. Lisa frowned.

"Are you sure? You looked a bit out of it."

"Just think how lucky I am to have you." Dean lied smoothly as he stood up and walked into the kitchen to kiss Lisa's cheek. Lisa's smile widened and she ducked her head a little as a blush rose over her beautiful face.

"And don't forget it." She hummed happily as she returned to her boiling pot of potatoes.

"I wish I could." Dean whispered to himself as quietly as he could. He frowned slightly as he spotted a bowl of cookies on the table. They looked familiar for some very odd reason.

"Did you make these?" Dean asked Lisa as he picked one up and bit into it.

"Hummm?" Lisa asked, not even bothering to turn around. "Make what?"

"These figgin' amazing cookies." Dean said as he savoured the sweet taste.

"Oh, no. I thought you did? Maybe it was Ben." Lisa offered as she moved fluently about the kitchen, tending to all her pots and pans.

"I guess so." Dean muttered mainly to himself, frowning slightly. There was a rustling in the hallway that Lisa seemed to miss but Dean's ultra tuned hunter abilities instantly picked it up, he turned swiftly towards it and caught a peek of long blonde hair disappearing from sight. It was impossible, it had to be. She had been burned to a crisp, what she had experienced had been more than a cremation, it had been a friggen' inferno and a half. Suddenly the cookies didn't taste the same, they didn't taste as sweet and they certainly weren't very enjoyable. Dean stared back at the bowl, slowly turning it so that the other side faced him. His blood ran cold at what he saw, it was a yellow stick note; written in a red that Dean was very sure was not ink was the words: _'half of my heart'_.

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Ok, yay. Done, I'm so glad to have this story out of my head, for about a year now this song that I listen to almost daily has been haunting me. Egh! This as been begging to be written for far to long, so hope people enjoy it. For those of you who didn't understand my Jess reference (which I hope you did, i turned to make the message as clear as i could without just stating it) the idea was that Sam had only ever given Jess half of his heart as well, and never given her the love she deserved and that Jess wasn't gonna watch the same thing happen to Lisa all over again. So yeah. So please review, I'd like to know if people understood the message so if not can try next time to I can clear with my plots. Sorry for any bad edting, wish I had a hot Orlando Bloom look-a-like assistant to edit my work (sighs) maybe one day. Inbox me if you look like his? Just joking, or am I? Yes I am.  
REVEIW

Xoxo November Envy


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